Life is testing me, I thought. Nana, my maternal grandfather, had passed away leaving his memories engraved in my mind. My eyes were sore. I asked God: "Why did you do this to someone who worshipped you all day and night and who was a selfless human being?"
I cried and whined. When I regained my inner strength I was ready to start my high school life in a new school. It was coeducational and would be a different environment for me since I had been in a girls' school for eight long years.
Nana is there with me, I thought. Initially my new school appeared to be a very exciting place. I enjoyed the first one week. However, after that I was bullied to the point of a break down. My books were stolen, my bag was thrown in the dustbin, and a banana was squashed on my badminton racquet. I was dejected. Why was all this happening? Why me? What did I do wrong?
After two months of putting up with such behavior, I complained to the school authorities. This did not go well with some students and I was referred to as a snitch, a complain box, a little baby! I was lonely, no one spoke to me, and no one bothered about me. Students started hating me. At the end when I could not bear it I asked my Mummy to get me out of the school if she wanted me to remain alive. Mom agreed after some persuasion and put me in another school, not as reputed as this one.
Sadly it was even worse than my earlier school. The faculty was horrendous and without the least consideration for the students. The teachers made no effort to understand their pupils and seemed to enjoy doling out punishment. I was completely disturbed. I could not survive such strict and barbaric treatment. I left the school and thought to myself, "What next?"
I was forced to get back to my previous school as there was no other school who would take me at the end of the year. Mom perked up my confidence and advised me to "go like a fighter and come back having seized the day." I went with that approach, but just the second day the suntan lotion my doctor had given me to avoid sunburns was taken out of my bag and squeezed all over my chair. "Who did this?" I asked. "We come here to study, not to do all this," answered a rude voice from a typical brat. My eyes were filled with tears. I broke out crying as soon as I saw my mother. "I will never go to this school Ma," I cried. I hated my life. I felt like I was going to explode and die with all the pressure.
The very next day I recited the entire episode to my mother's friend who was extremely close to me. "Will you come for a satsang
?" she asked me after I finished. "Satsang? What does that mean?" I asked unknowingly.
She explained that it was a gathering of Guruji's devotees and said:"Come, you will get some peace of mind." Since there was nothing to do on a Saturday, I agreed to come. That cold December evening, Ma and I attended our first satsang. I sat down and looked at Guruji's photo. He was smiling at me. I felt as if He was calling me and saying: "Tu aa gayee
?" (You have come?)
I heard many satsangs that day but found it hard to believe any, yet I felt a growing faith in Guruji. After langar
, we came home and nothing happened for a few weeks. I didn't go to school. Soon the December holidays started. I fell under depression and was taken to two counselors. I was under medication for two weeks.
One day, I had a severe stomach pain. I tried everything but nothing seemed to work. I felt as if my stomach was going to burst open. For once I just remembered Guruji and saw the pain vanish as if someone had kept his hand on my stomach and taken away the pain.
Soon, I had no other choice but to get back to the school that had bullied me to the core. My parents were bent upon saving me an academic year, as they didn't want me to repeat my 10th grade again. No school would take a new student in grade 10. January, I felt, was going to being a year of trauma for me.
Soon Guruji came into my life. I started attending satsangs every Saturday and gradually things got aligned, bad changed to good and sad to happy. Guruji gave me darshan
in His dream the day before there was a satsang in my house. His fragrance wafted around my room, and it was the most magical experience of my life.
In the dream I saw myself going to a mandir and into Guruji's hut, where He gave me and my maternal grandfather halwa prasad
and also blessed us. When I actually visited Bade Mandir, I was zapped, I could not believe my eyes that it was the same garden, the same hut (kutia
) in the Bade Mandir. The Mandir was an unforgettable experience altogether. Soon after June, life settled down. It did take a little long but Guruji helped me in every way. I am lucky to be associated with Guruji.
I have full faith in whatever I do because even if it fails I know my Guruji will do something extraordinary to compensate for the failure. In the past, I have had many dreams about Him blessing me, even teaching me Hindi. I truly feel that I have found someone to rely upon for my entire life, who will never leave me. Now whatever happens, I take it positively because I feel that something worse could have happened. Suffering is thus reduced to a great degree.
Lastly, I thank Guruji because I have gained such a big family of devotees who, I am sure, will be ready to bail me out of any difficult situation. So would I, if the situation demands. Every Saturday now goes to spirituality and in peaceful bliss. Thank you, Guruji or rather Jai Guruji!
Sweekriti, a devotee