May 2014 was very hard on me. I was four months pregnant, unable to walk because of sciatica and had already suffered a miscarriage. I had heard about Guruji from my sister-in-law and her family—who had begun going to
satsangs—as well as my mother. I was never interested. But when a satsang was held close to my house, it felt like Guruji had planned it without telling me about it. A voice in my heart—the same which tells me to write this satsang—told me that I should go.
My sciatica was acute and I had a severe cold on the day of the satsang. Every time I sneezed hard, I worried something would happen to my baby. Ice-cream was served as
prasad that day. I had it. And, believe me, when I walked out of the satsang I had no pain in my legs. My cold had got cured too. I was getting a strong rose fragrance throughout the satsang. I put it down to the roses kept in the hall. But later I realized its significance: Guruji was blessing me that day.
I went through manifold problems during my pregnancy but they all amounted to nothing because my dear Guruji was standing beside me—literally. As my delivery date neared, I felt a strong incense-like fragrance around me at all times. It was present even when I went to the bathroom. It continued for two to three days up to the time I had to be put on bed rest due to a severe stomach ache.
Tests found that I had pregnancy-related diabetes. But a continuous glucose monitoring system contradicted that result. I didn't, thus, have to take any medicines or insulin. It was now that Guruji's
kripa became evident. The
dhoop smell was clearly Guruji holding my hands and saving me from this big problem.
In fact, before my delivery date, Guruji even came in my dreams. He was mesmerizing. He told me to share my experience in these words: "
Chal satsang suna." He also indicated that my child was going to be a girl. And so it was one Thursday, which is the day of Guruji (
guruvar), that my child was born.
After the delivery, my daughter wouldn't sleep at all during the night or during the day for a straight three months. I cried in front of Guruji one day, out of sheer fatigue. From that day, my child slept during the nights. Now I pray that He makes my daughter a part of His
sangat as well.
One night, I had a very bad dream. Guruji came in that dream and forestalled its occurrence. When I woke up, I found '
Om Namah' written on my window pane. The divine signature has been there ever since. No negative force can ever enter my house.
However, my problem is that I get very angry. It's not normal anger, but a kind of rage. Recently I was reading some posts on social sites. The sum of their message was that we could be debarred from the sangat if we got angry. I took it to be Guruji's message and got very scared of my anger.
After all, I want to be Guruji's beloved child. I want Him to love me the most and want to remain a part of His sangat. Guruji will help me through. He told me He wants me to make self-effort and He will take care of the rest. I know He is cleaning me from within. The quicker I get cleaned, the faster I reach His heart.
My Guruji holds my hand through everything. Recently, I had a big problem in my job and was on the verge of losing it. I asked my mother to pray to Guruji even as I prayed to Him. The situation changed and I retained my job. Now I know that even if I lose my job, my Guruji would have thought of something better for me.
Recently, I dream that I was going in a taxi and the driver began misbehaving with me. I chanted Jai Guruji and Guruji's
swaroop appeared in the taxi. He had saved me once again! The more pure I get, the more my
darshans will become clear and divine.
Since that visit to Guruji's satsang in May 2014, every day is infused with His divine presence and has become a satsang. Guruji knows everything. He called me when my life was falling apart. If I wasn't in His
sharan, I wouldn't have anything today. I owe my baby, my relationships, and my job, everything to Him.
Guruji, I bow to you. People say they want to be on your lotus feet, but please give me a space in your heart. Love me the most. You are the only Guru I have ever followed. Guruji, please give me
bhakti daan, bharosa daan, pyaar daan, and
sewa daan. (Grant me devotion, faith, love and service.) I want to play all the roles you have assigned me as best as I can. I also want to do selfless sewa. Guruji, I know you decide how much I can love you. Please see to it that I love you the most—selfless love without anything in return. I want to be your
deewani. I want to get drenched in your beauty and love. I want to love all your beings irrespective of how they treat me. I want to cry for you; I want to laugh for you; I want to dance for you; I want to cry for your love.
To write down about Guruji's glory is impossible. All I can do is tell devotees how beautiful my Guru is and how incredible His
mahima, or grace, is.
Guruji, thanks once again, for bestowing all kindness on me. Please keep me in your heart and mind forever. Jai Guruji. Sab Gobind. Yours and yours truly.
Shweta Bhattacharya, a devotee
December 2015