How do you narrate your experiences with the omniscient? Language is a tool of man's mind and is therefore circumscribed by human abilities and limited by its fragilities. Hence to narrate one's experience with the divine, the Sada Shiv, our Guruji, is difficult. Words do not capture the essence of the experience. Moreover, the mind is conditioned to think from a self-centered perspective, from the 'I', whereas tuning with Guruji is about surrendering the 'I' to Him. Thus it is He alone who can guide me to write down the satsang
and I pray to Him that I convey the truth of His benevolence and bliss.
I met Guruji in 2001, when I was a Senior Resident at PGIMER, Chandigarh, and hoped to progress to a faculty position. I went with my wife, my brother and his wife. When my brother's wife, bhabhi
, introduced me to Him, He gave a divine blessing, saying "changa munda hai
" (He is a good man). My bhabhi further told Guruji that I wanted to go to London. He smiled and said that was why I had come to Him. I denied the reason, as I had gone for his darshan
after listening to my brother. Guruji then told me to come to Delhi: "Delhi aaja
," He said.
I am writing this from Manchester and as I look back I realize that not a single one of His statements was ever casual. The words were merely vehicles conveying His divine will and mercy. And so it did happen. I came to work in Delhi from Chandigarh although I had never planned such a move and then I went to the UK, too.
From that first meeting, the journey unfolded as He willed it. My monthly visits from Chandigarh to Delhi to have his darshan gradually became the fulcrum of my days' work and then of my life--as is true for many devotees. Whenever I was blessed to talk with Him, the subject was always seemingly casual but would alter the course of my life.
One day at Bade Mandir when I had paid obeisance to Him, He asked me where I was from. I lived with my parents at Mayur Vihar and said so. His gaze fell on me and He said it didn't look like I stayed there. I just bowed for I could not fathom His statement. But when I look back today, I realise that after my high school I hardly stayed at home. I did my graduation in Calcutta, post-graduation in Chandigarh and was in Delhi for two years after He had said that I come over. I had then left for the UK six years ago. In fact I have never stayed long at my parents' and it is my elder brother, Navin, who has looked after them and cared for them although we both love them deeply.
In the meantime as is always His wont, He was showering blessings and guiding my family and me without our asking for anything. My mother's angina was resolved without any surgical intervention (and against the cardiologist's advice) and my nephew's epilepsy got cured without medication: these are just a few examples of His kindness. Moreover, He was guiding my professional and personal growth in a subtle but powerful manner. Difficult colleagues, and difficult circumstances while looking after my patients were all taken care of with unbelievable ease. Meanwhile, I had become a part of Guruji's sangat
. I prayed for servitude and He granted me that for the two years I was in Delhi. Those two years remain etched in my mind. Being with Him and at His darbar was paradise on Earth.
He conveyed that there was nothing to ask for as He knows everything, even the things we have not planned for. There is nothing we can do for Him, as we do not comprehend even a fraction of His identity or prowess. All we can do is submit at His feet and that is all He asks for. But our ego obstructs us from receiving the full measure of His blessings when He has the entire cosmos at His feet to bless us with if we were to be worthy of it.
Logic and Science are creations of the human mind and inept at relating with the supreme power, Guruji. They can only predict the obvious whereas Guruji alters the laws of death and life and of the cosmos, as the numerous miraculous cures of innumerable devotees prove again and again.
Two years after being in His presence, I had been selected for the UK job for a two-year stint. I went to Him and, bowing, said that by His blessings, I had been successful in my interview. He looked at me and said the doctor will stay in Hindustan. (Therein lies a tale of what could have been, but we make our choices and live by them.) I was at His feet and said:"As you say, Guruji." Then there was a moment, a few seconds or years for which He was silent, before He spoke out:"Ja, doctra ja.
" (Go, doctor, go.) At that moment I knew my life had been laid out for me by my Guruji. He conveyed the same to my family members. The voice still reverberates in my bones and blood. He blessed my wife at Chhote Mandir as well, thus reassuring us that we would always be under His care.
Having experienced the ecstasy of his darshan, I asked Him if He would visit England and He just smiled. I had been to Guruji's gaddi at Panchkula at Shri Depender's place and asked Guruji if I could do the same in England. He replied in the negative, but said, "Satsang karya kar
" (do satsangs). As always, I struggled to understand His will, but the way was paved for satsangs to take place in Manchester that very day.
When we went to the UK there were no devotees at Manchester and almost all my colleagues, even the ones who were supportive and caring, were atheists. When I did talk about Him, they were not receptive. Gradually, the idea of doing satsang receded from my mind. However, He had willed it and there were further blessings He had to bestow.
As it turned out, we were able to organize satsangs in the UK. My wife and I came to know of another devotee, Anita, after our contact numbers were exchanged at Chhote Mandir by our families. With His guidance and her enthusiasm, we have had numerous satsangs at Manchester and the numbers of the sangat keep swelling. The journey continues, He reassures us repeatedly of His presence, and His blessings have saved me from serious accidents, delivered me from difficult legal cases in my profession . . . His blessings are boundless.
There are many truths which I still have to learn, as there are still things which He said whose import escapes my obtuse mind. I'm sure the understanding will come when He wills it. I wait with folded hands and with a prayer in my heart that I don't deviate from His path and that He keeps me attached to His lotus feet across all lives. I pray: "Daata rakh charna de kol, charnaa di mauj badi.
" (Lord, keep me at your lotus feet, whose bliss is the highest.)