Surrender brings purity, healing and devotion

Kavita Godinho, June 2015
Faith has no logic, no science; it's pure surrender.

I have been suffering from depression for the last 30 years and have been on antidepressants since the last 26. I have even had electroconvulsive therapy, since no medicine would suit me. I had gone to Shirdi Baba 16 years ago, after which the medicines started working.

But I began to be obsessed with anxieties. I feared I would get cancer, or have a heart ailment. My mental state was such that I wanted to commit suicide. I was tired of living in fear.

On the 11th of May, 2015, I went for the first time to Bade Mandir. I have no idea what got me there. I have been living in Gurgaon for the last three and a half years. I had seen Guruji's photographs all over the local market, but thought nothing of it. A month ago, I had been to a nail parlour, where a girl spoke about Guruji to me. I heard about Him, but let it pass.

When I reached the Mandir all I did was cry and cry loudly. I surrendered to Guruji Maharaj the minute I entered Bade Mandir and told Him to cure me. After that I began getting guidance from Guruji on a minute-to-minute basis. Under His care, I reduced my medicine milligrams by milligrams. I never spoke to my psychiatrist. Within a week all my drugs stopped. I have been for nearly a month without medicines that I had been taking since a quarter century.

I go to Bade Mandir regularly, but I cry every time I go there. He is purifying me. When I have jal prasad, it seems a blue light is going inside me. Once, Guruji came in my dream in a black robe. Today I have His photographs in my home, in my office and in my car. A pen drive with His shabads literally fell into my lap. I never asked anyone to give me these. I listen to Guruji's shabad every morning and my tears don't stop.

I don't understand what is happening with me. Even my family doesn't. All I know is that I have surrendered to my Guruji. But I cry a lot and loudly. In just a month of being to Guruji's, I have a lot to share. Guruji has guided my sister, my nephew, and my brother-in-law. He guides me at every step.

And yes I have been healed of mental illness. How do I know? I have no fear left. I hear Guruji telling me constantly: "Ja meine tera kalyan keta; tu meri hai; ja aish kar." (I have healed you; you are mine; go and enjoy your life.) I have rediscovered myself as a very spiritual person and I do a lot of mediation.

I wanted to share my satsang so I can help people with problems go to my Guruji. All I want to do is his seva. I give my life to Shri Guruji Maharaj.

Guruji mere sahay. With lots of love to my Guruji and His sangat.

Kavita Godinho, a devotee

June 2015