Pyaar kare apaar jo,
Mehar ka jiski koi ant na;
Haath jod, natmastak hokar,
Karun us Guru ki vandana
My spiritual journey with Guruji began on March 25, 2006 — the day I first visited Him — and my fourth semester exams followed soon after. I wanted to get His blessings before the exams, but couldn't go because Empire Estate was too far and I was tense about the exams.
A fortnight later though, I had His
darshan. It must have been five in the morning, when I saw Him in my dream. I was off to Bade Mandir (as I later came to know it) with my father on our two-wheeler. Guruji was seated on a
manji (cot). As I bowed before Him, He said, "
Dekha panj minute vi ni lage (see, it has not even taken you 5 minutes to come)." At that point, I woke up and checked the clock to find that it had indeed taken me just three minutes to go through this darshan sequence. I did not give credence to what I saw because the notion of Guruji sitting on a cot strained credulity. I learnt later that Guruji did sit on a manji when He came to Bade Mandir.
My exams began a month after my first visit to Guruji, on April 25. My first paper was the best I had ever taken; I answered all of the questions, many were on topics I had studied right before the exam. I saw in this the hand of Guruji's grace.
But with four days to go for the second paper, an accident all but jeopardized my chances of sitting for it. I was riding pillion on our two-wheeler, thanking Guruji for His grace, when I fell off. It was rush hour, and we were at a turn on a busy red-light near the Jhandewalan temple in New Delhi. I would have been run over. To our astonishment, as I lay immobile on the road, no vehicle, not even a pedestrian, crossed the road. Guruji had 'frozen' the entire scene; not even a leaf seemed to rustle. Only after my father had picked me up did the traffic get going.
I was fine, but my right hand had deep cuts and had swollen up though it hadn't fractured. I promptly worried about my fitness to write the second paper. I was advised to avail of a writer, but because of the non-theoretical nature of the software engineering exam (requiring that we draw diagrams and explain them) I knew it would be fruitless to have a writer. In the meantime, an experience came my way that made me realize that Guruji was with me and I needn't worry.
Our residence was at a police colony adjacent to an army training centre, where the military band trained and played. Because of the band's practice sessions, I could hardly concentrate on my studies. Fed up, I complained to Guruji. No sooner had I mentally addressed myself to Him that the sound of the band ceased. It stayed mum for the next 10 days, the entire duration of my exams!
Bolstered with divine support, I decided to write the exam myself. Placing complete trust in Guruji, I sat for the exam and found that once I had started writing I could go on till I was through with the paper. I felt no pain whatsoever. But as soon as I handed over the answer script to the examiner, I could no longer move my hand. With His blessings I managed to get a respectable 70 marks in this exam. That wasn't all. This amazing duration-bound grace favoured me during each of my remaining exams.
My next paper was scheduled for the afternoon of May 4, allowing for a good four-day break. But my preparations lagged. On the day of the exam, I got up at 4 o'clock in the morning to read up on what was left. More than four hours later, I had revised just one chapter and had merely two hours to cover the remaining four. My courage and stamina left me, but Guruji propped me up. I felt Guruji very close to me as I prayed to Him for help. Soon, I was preparing afresh, flipping through the pages and reading small portions that I felt like studying from each chapter. In the exam, nearly half the questions came from those four chapters. The questions were set from the sections I had studied, the very lines I had gone through, up to the words I had stopped at. Nothing whatsoever was asked from the remaining portions of those chapters.
It dawned on me then: He sets the question paper Himself and makes us study well in time. He studies with us too! He gives us strength whenever we feel low, makes us perform better and rewards us with the best result we can ever aim for.
It was thanks to His grace that I performed well in the exam, obtaining 89 marks. Had His blessings not been with me, I would have flunked!
Soon Friday became our designated day to go to Guruji. Usually, I would take a bus to my father's office and then we'd go to Empire Estate. But one hot Friday afternoon, I forgot to take my wallet and had just INR 10 in hand. That day the bus driver changed the route and asked me to get down at an unknown location. I was left with INR 5 and could either call my father and ask him to come to a location I had no clue about or I could return. I prayed to Guruji and continued walking. After an hour's walk, with feet swollen and blistered, I reached my father's office. We then went to the Mandir.
When I took Guruji's
aagya (permission) that evening, He looked at me and said, "
Chal daffa ho (Get lost)!" I burst into tears because I had already suffered so much that day. Little did I know that Guruji had sent away the malefic force that had been stopping me from coming to Him. Indeed these words have been a blessing: Never since have I encountered any problems on my way to Guruji's Mandir.
Blessings on His days of celebration: Guru Poornima, Shivratri and Baisakhi
Soon it was time for Guru Poornima and my father planned to reach the Bade Mandir early so as to do
sewa Guruji had bestowed on us. It rained that day — it was the month of July, four days after Guruji's birthday — and by the time we reached the Mandir (thoroughly cleaned by the
sangat in the morning), it had become dirty again. We joined other devotees in cleaning up. I took no thought of the severe backache that had been with me for the past six years, and swept the whole of the Mandir floor twice or thrice. Usually, I would not have been able to stand on my legs after such exertion. That day, His blessings kept me ticking. And that night, Guruji asked me to dance — and I did.
What did that day's sewa and dance give me? I realized that a month after Guruji's mahasamadhi. I was listening to a couple's
satsang in the Bade Mandir. Guruji had made one of them dance, they were saying, and their body aches had disappeared. I realized then that after that Guru Poornima, my back pain had never troubled me. In fact, I had forgotten about it. We are blessed, and we don't even realize it.
A year later, on Shivratri of year 2007, which fell on February 16, He again showered His immense love on me. There were huge queues outside the Bade Mandir for His darshan, and I was busy managing the devotees till late in the night. I could not get a glimpse of Guruji. After all the devotees had got Guruji's darshan, I went inside only to find that Guruji had given word that nobody could enter the main hall and that the sangat, after having
langar, should return without seeking His permission. I tried to explain to a lady devotee guarding the entrance to the main hall that I wanted to go inside for His darshan and not to take His leave, but she would not listen. Guruji, however, did and summoned me inside. I thanked my lucky stars. I understood that when nobody is there to listen to you, He is there, always watching you, and communicating with you in His many diverse ways.
That He is in silent contact with us was borne to me again on Baisakhi day. I had gone to Empire Estate a day earlier, that is, on April 12, because I had my practical exams on three subjects due on the 14
th. As I bowed before Guruji, who was sitting on the sideboard, I silently wished Him Happy Baisakhi.
Come Baisakhi day and Guruji's overwhelming divine fragrance filled my room. It was emanating from His photograph, and felt like His summons. My parents had already left for the Mandir, so I called up a devotee friend who I knew was going with her parents. They agreed to take me with even though their car had no space. I sat on her lap through the journey, constantly praying to Guruji to bless my friend and her family.
To everyone's amazement, His fragrance came inside the car. And as we glanced outside, we noticed Guruji's car right next to ours! It was His answer to my prayers. We continued the rest of our journey to Bade Mandir, following Guruji's car and chanting 'Jai Guruji'!
However, I had no conveyance to return home early and study for next morning's exam. My parents had said they would not leave early at any cost. I decided to stay back in the Mandir the whole night and go directly to my college in the morning. When I went inside the main hall to have Guruji's darshan, He looked into my eyes and smiled softly as if saying, "
Look, you have come!" As I came out of the hall after His darshan, three devotees offered to take me back home early, so that I could at least sleep well before the exam and study whatever I could. My exam the next morning was awesome, and I got the highest marks in all three subjects.
That Baisakhi had a special relevance. Had I not gone to Guruji's that day, I would have missed the last celebration I could have had in His physical presence.
Guruji has always reminded me of His presence when I have missed Him. I once found myself unable to go to Empire Estate because I had to prepare for my fifth semester exams in 'numerical analysis and scientific computing' and complete my programming assignments. I knew nothing of it, and this fact added to the pressure. It was a Thursday evening, and my father had left for the Mandir. The very thought of being deprived of His darshan for 15 days at a stretch started taking a toll on me. I began crying. Unable to control myself, I minimized my computer's onscreen window and started looking at His photograph on my desktop. I was taken aback at the sight of the sacred
trishul that formed in front of my eyes on Guruji's forehead. The veins in His forehead came up to the surface to form the trishul. I felt as if He was saying, "Don't worry I am always with you."
I found courage to sit for the exams. It was because of my trust in Him that I cleared the exams and managed to get a respectable 76.25% aggregate though I flunked this particular subject by three marks.
Whatever you get in life is Guruji's blessing. If you love and respect Him truly, learn to accept His blessings and never complain about not getting what you thought is good. Believe in Him and in the fact that He gives you the best you can ever get. He plans each and every incidence of your life howsoever small it may be.
Ultimately, His plan works
It was not the first time Guruji had blessed my academic performance. A year earlier, a month after Guru Poornima, on August 11, I had been at Empire Estate when I received His blessings. It was around 8 pm when I went to bow before Guruji and He said, "
Chalo upar (Go upstairs)." His words were not solely literal. I reached home to find a friend's message congratulating me for having secured second rank in Delhi University with 82 per cent marks! The time at which my result was declared and the time when Guruji had spoken to me matched. I had previously held seventh rank in Delhi University; now He had promoted me to second position.
Often my examination schedule has brought the conflict between my studies and my wish to go to Guruji to the fore. Once my second exam of the semester was scheduled for a Saturday, and our day to visit Empire Estate was then a Thursday. This time I went with my father, but requested him to have us return early — for the first time — and kept pleading with 'chalo-chalo'. We had langar in the first instance and went to take aagya. Guruji smiled at me and said "
Chalo-chalo", and I took it as His assurance that my exam would be perfect.
The rest of my five exams all fell on a Friday, and Guruji ensured that I did not miss visiting Him by changing our designated darshan day from Thursday to Friday. My father got the command when he went for darshan on the Thursday before my third exam. Happily, for all the following exams, I could go directly to Bade Mandir.
I could not, however, go to the Mandir on Mondays as my parents did. It turned out that Guruji had come to the Mandir and blessed everybody by giving them
prasad with His own hands. I tearfully complained to Guruji and told Him that though I tried to go to Mandir every Monday I had missed the very day He had come. I cried and cried and cried and He telepathically said, "
Tera number aayega (Your turn will come)." When my fifth and final exam got over that Friday, I went to Guruji. To my utter amazement, He gave me the same prasad.
Little did I know why Guruji had chosen to go to the Mandir that Monday. It was His wish to bless His devotees one more time. The following week He had left His physical form.
The thought that I would never be able to meet Him again meant that no Friday, no Monday would have any meaning. But Guruji had something else in store. Most of the sangat members who were at Bade Mandir the next Friday, on June 1, witnessed a miracle. The entire Mandir was full of His divine fragrance, and personally, I was reassured of Guruji's continuing presence with us.
I was barely over the shock of the mahasamadhi when the challenge of a set of entrance exams for Delhi University beckoned. Question papers for master's courses in Computer Science (DUMCS) and Computer Applications were slated for the 9
th and 10
th of June, respectively. I was neither mentally nor academically prepared. I gave the exam for the Computer Science entrance, but skipped the Applications paper because we were to leave for Guruji's native village on June 10
th for His bhog. I had little hope that I would make it to the DUMCS merit list.
A month later, I stood fifth in Delhi University with an aggregate of 83 per cent. As a result, I got a call from its department of computer science to take admission. Though I had failed to clear the entrance exam, I got admission on merit. Goes to show that ultimately it is His plan that works for us. Moreover, I faced no problem during the admission procedure.
His presence and His plan seem to be two facets of the same coin. However, the lack of His physicality can be distressing. This is compounded by the fact that my college is quite far off from my home and makes it difficult for me to go to the Mandir. Not going to Bade Mandir and not listening to the
shabads makes me feel low. The way that sadness manifests is that I begin to feel He is no longer with me. One day in August, I was unable to bear the pain of separation and cried a lot. The following morning the Blueline bus that I boarded for college was playing the shabad 'Guru meri pooja'. Shabads continued to be played on that bus for the whole week!
Guruji grants my father a new life
On the morning of September 24, a Monday, I had a dream. I saw myself sitting in the Mandir and crying bitterly. An aunty came over quite concerned. I told her my father was no more. She, however, assured me that nothing would happen to my father, and I prayed to Guruji for his long life. I woke up crying and decided not to share this dream with anyone. What followed showed how Guruji's grace paves the way for His devotees' lives.
My father went to the Mandir that evening on his scooter as usual. On the road, blinded by the light of oncoming vehicles, he hit a heap of sand. He was thrown off the scooter, nearly five feet into the air, as the two-wheeler flipped. But it was not fatal. His left leg was fractured; his shoulder had internal injuries while both the elbows and knees bore external injuries. Dad was able to return home only due to Guruji's grace and blessings. I understood then what my dream had portended and how Guruji's immense blessings had staved off certain death.
Another time I was suffering from a viral infection when it was our day to go to the Mandir. I wanted to, but was afraid that Guruji would, out of his unlimited compassion, take my suffering upon Himself. So I took two doses of my medicine at one go — so stupid of me. When I was sitting in the Mandir for langar in front of Guruji, He kept looking at me. He began feeling unwell and sent away most of the sangat after langar. The next day I woke up absolutely fit and came to know that after sending the sangat back the previous night Guruji had vomited blood. He could not see me in pain and had taken my suffering upon Him. Can love like this ever be found?
Thank you, Guruji, for blessing my father with a new life and all of us with that care, love and affection which is impossible for us to reciprocate. For ever, Jai Guruji!
Anu Sharma, a devotee
March 2008